so i am feeling a bit sad today , however i know god has a plan. a big plan. with great and wonderful things to occur ~ things my small mind can not comprehend. even the smallest detail. i am not so bummed at my life but saddened by others. that ripple affect. effect but affect really. so i am anti conformist today, anti society. i am sad that girls feel the need to cut open their bodies so often just to look the way the feel is most attractive to get a guys attention. approval. laid. ? but i know it is true. i lived it. seeking a males approval. not gods. i saw poor little LL last nite on tv as a walked by ;( she reminded me of that same look on Dana Plato's face in court not too long b4 she died. Hopeless. Confused. Upset but in despair. that made me sad to see her beautiful red hair colored and fake looking, her skin orange from tanning sprays to not be white (like my daughter's beautiful skin ;) The swollen lips from trying to inject god knows what in her lips to look ...sexier ? sick. we r ;( as a nation. as a whole ;( i just see her eyes tight and think too tight plastic looking - cut open to have no bags or wrinkles. bags from tired parting chasin drinkin working. working since she was a small girl. a baby. child slave labor...for our entertainment value ;( for greed and approval and fame , fortune..success????
so owen wilson, dj am (no he succeeded ;( brit murphy, heath, kurt cobain? dana plato was my friend, we grew up working together, well i went on job interviews and was pals with lots of kids in the biz working (my whole life). i saw a lot of pain. a lot of lives ...sad.
So just bc someone is rich and famous and a celeb to look up to their image only means u 4 got they are a real human. most actors and artist and sports fig's are the most hurt of souls...seeking that approval. acceptance - a way out.
so i pray for mel gibson who made my fav movie and then lost his mind ;) poor mel ;( i feel for these stars bc i was a working kid in Hollywood. To be a working kid is hard enough, to be in hw well that's a whole nother story. it is such a sick place filled with drugs, booze, sex, not enough rest and constant judgement to be perfect. pressure too much for a young child that just really wants to be a normal kid or now a normal person.
but add in the sick family behind all that too. all actors have sick families they are running from, that they resent and want to prove u wrong. be something..that is why they are famous. u have to want it more than anything. and it consumes u and when u get it....it is just bull.
smoke and mirrors and pressure and lies, greed, speed to keep up and keep thin, botox and nose jobs, boob jobs, fake to cover the pain.
God, help the ones that others look up to be healed. help them find u. help them find their inner joy and peace help them feel and shed their pain and self abuse. Help others see that it is only how u feel about ur self with ur god that matters.
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