u know some times i think it is just so hard being a human, but i do know that mostly i am just with god. i block out most of the world ;) I let in what i want and limit that tightly ;) but i have my weak spots like that ha ha pride and ego like the rest. I struggle not moving out of fear self abuse not knowing my value and worth. i dislike hate. i see so much of it. i get overwelmed but i am a problem solver by dna and i see the answers a lot. thru asking and getting close to god - not by choice but then as gods. i had a hard up bringing so i figured as my ma said i had nothing to lose. so i tried it and it worked. big. big time. now i know every one has been abused on this planet and some more than others ...but that makes an impact. behavioral problems. So we create patterns on what everyone else is doing mass popularity and lose all individuality. we stifle our creativity. Our God given voice and talents so in that... i had to fight. hmmmm huge sigh i get tired. but now i know better , thanks to god he gave me thoughts and prayers and i see now i see things i need to see and i ask and he answers. he asks or angels or different parts of me my god voice my spiritual part in tune to the voice of god always. just sometimes i chose to not listen but enslaved to believing i have no choice beaten down in to believing thru society, the world, satan whatever u can handle ;)

So i never think i am better than or right or any other quoted judgements i hear .. i am the first to admit that i am the most f 'd up of them all... i just stopped myself from evolving into one of them..the evil ones, the ones that keep perpetuating the problem.

now i perpetuated enough on my own even with 30 yrs of shrinkology ;) i picked the wrong guys...i picked angry guys like me, but their physical strength out matched mine and i saw my god again big. i saw i had one they chose to turn their back. I did too many times from 20-30 almost everything i could think of to hurt myself. I was good too but i strive for as close to perfection as i can get knowing if i am doing good and gods will then i am a ok ;)

knowing that ;)

That came from years of abuse. Ok loving the blog ;) option these days ;)

meaning, i am not for everyone...in fact i make most squirm...or uncomfortable ouch that sucks ;( but not being popular and being judged 24/7 heck that is the story of my life ;) doing things different - the opposite ;)