I would like to sit in an RV by the beach in a warm spot and write. Homeschool too ;) and go to church and my bible studies ;) so I guess I will try to hurry up and clean out my stuff in this house. It is just so hard to breathe in here with all the mold. It burns my ears and lungs and throat. It is sad too cuz i get these really bad head aches and my sinus' hurt. All from mold. Mold in my last apt. mold that was there before me. Mold that ruined all my stuff and makes me and my kids and animals sick ;( No justice unless u have tons of money to gamble on ;( that is so sad. so much mold and mold damage that the big huge insurance companies make it impossible to get any restoration or damage repair. It is so hard to move and function and I am so dizzy and light headed all the time. We are all fatigued and sore muscles and sick to our stomachs all the time (unless we are outside).
So moving again is my option. Moving to a house free of mold (water leaks and wood floors here and damaged drywall and ceilings and a slum lord land owner not willing to pay for any repairs. But glad I did not infect his place. My eyes burn and itch. But the lawyers say they can not prove mold damage as a threat to humans. Hmmmm??? now I am hearing from a few sources it can cause cancer. But since it is not proven yet???? I am not sure but I know it has really taken a huge toll on me and my family and all my belongings. I have a hard time driving and working with no energy and hard to move. I am praying to get out fast. Not sure where I am going and when but I am almost ready! I have to go threw a few more boxes and that takes forever ha ha ha ha well not fast enough for me!
But like everything else, I am learning to praise God in the waiting time. And think big!! Dream huge and do not limit God. I am glad my new church is doing the same thing and I find God leads me always right where He wants me to be ;) and really prayers answered always i see ;) I see that i have been praying all a long for things that come true ;) now I need to pay more focus to what it is that i want. For me. Just me. Not anyone else. Just me and God.
Now that is peace. Inner peace and that brings me comfort and then joy. Happiness in whatever happens. No matter what happens it is always better than where I came from. Not that I came from all bad. Just extreme greatness and extreme pain. Just like everyone really. Just how in tune u r to it all is the only difference.
I happen to have a love hate relationship with myself ;) as each of us i think ;) so we are all the same and all unique to God. All have our own gifts and talents to add and share.
Hate, fear, insecurities, fatigue, no God, no faith, no greater power than yourself to follow and believe in ???? leads to a break in my serenity and makes me stand up and say no.
Jeff Garcia "NO" (he makes me laff every time ;) I have seen him live so many times and I am always in the front row ;) ohhhhhh not easy for me! Especially with Jeff Garcia! Everytime I have been a part of the show and kills me every time ;) I laff but it is so uncomfortable for me (but fun too ;) to be daring ;) do stuff out of my comfort zone. I did it for my ex. He liked to sit front row. I rather sit last row ;) and enjoy from a far. But i like jeff, he is a good guy. a family man.
I like when he used Evan Quin (my son) as a point to his joke of how white ppl name their kids these funny names. It was so funny when he said what is your sons name? Ice House pasadena what a fun place. But in Irvine, Brea, oh so many times ;) always super fun show. That show I did have Bruce in my lap ~ that was really embarrassing for me. I could have killed my ex for getting up to go to the bath room in the middle of the show front row leaving me there oh thanks. I think he did it just to mess with me ha ha ha really?
I feel sheltered by my fears and spoiled by my past. I have lived in heaven on earth really. I have learned balance and joy and i have had the best of everything. I have the best of friends and family all really close to me and I live in a great warm place with beautiful beaches at my finger tips. I love fashion and clothes and I live near the best stores in all of the world.
I love music and skiing and I have the best of it all, right here. I love to travel and my parents showed me the world. I want to take my kids all over and explore with them ;) I love that I get to Homeschool and have had so much fun doing that over the last going on 8 yrs now ;)
I love my kids and hanging out with them and I really love being sober and taking my kids to church. I like to be healthy and fit and live a pure clean life. I love that Pastor Rick preaches on being creative ;) I need that. I prayed for that and God lead me to SVCC
All year I have gone to many churches in OC ;) all great but not the fit yet. I waiting and worked hard to find the fit and each time I got what i needed. the message was for me. each church saw me and i think got a shake up call too ;) so it was all glorious and God speaking to my heart ;) Now just what I prayed for ;) The best of the best. Although I am happy to shake up this church too ;) I dont get into politics at church. I just hear the pastor and sing and worship God and pray and write and listen and learn. There is always politics in ppl at church i try to avoid knowing names and just serve.
I just get down to God and The Word. And Worship ;)
Serve Him.
A Pastor is just a servant of God called to lead and I have always found Pastor Rick to be humble and teachable. That is a great quality in a Pastor. I try to avoid the "hierarchy" of other servants at any church. Attitude and ego tend to grow thick in every church I have attended. FCC was the least of them all but had the most to learn i think ;) I got major attitude at SVCC and still do from staff. But I think that Spiritual Warfare is huge. The battle hits home the hardest.
So I love to go and shake it up and wake up and open some eyes ;) Rick said that the other day too and everything I have been writing all year he is preaching on, so I am stoked to have that and be in such a beautiful place in my life. I live in beauty and I am surrounded by joy ;) Satan can only rob me of that if I let him.
It is a choice.
Happiness is a state of mind and peace and joy can not be taken from me ;) I will gladly give all that I have to serve and go where ever needed Lord. You just show me the way ~
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