God is so coo it is Spooky ;) Supernatura ~ Hoy Spirit Rocks!

so i had soe strange (to e) coents fro y bog posts today. Anger - feeing I a teing others what to do oooppppsss no, just teing e what I need to do ;) and others feeing bad for e and trying to cheer e up ;) ahhh sweet but I fee over joyed (but I know y story can ake others uncofortabe). The truth is avoided so uch in our country I beieve we becoe desensitized to it. Nub. Cod. oh that ooks funny ha ha ha nub & cod I ean hee hee. I have no question ark, and no apostrophe (hard word eeeee) and no quotaion arks (no etter and no etter either;) but everything ese on y keyboard works (praise u ord God!!!!) y usic!!!! ove you ord!!!!! No and No and a ;) h I wonder if anyone can read this ;) I guess if ya ike puzzes ;) u ay ike e (hee hee hee ;)

~~~~

ater that nite......


;)

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so y new kitty!!!! Keek ;) y KiKi baby!!!! I naed her ucy u u but Keek and KiKi are y nick naes for her ;)

When I was a kid I was a chid actressode and I was not thried about that. I hated it reay but I see the good & God in everything ;) Thanks oy (other) and Grana (Grandother - y others other ;) and Great Grana (y others grandother ;)

They taught e to see God in everything and see his gory in everything!!!!

I do ;) I just aso have anger and hate and vioence in breed in e fro this word. earning to free y sef of anger. I have worked on that strugge ~ fight y whoe ife ;) God heas. God answers prayers and I have been coser to God y whoe ife - ore than anyone I knew. I had to. I had to to survive. I ove that today (not so uch oh say fro 10-30 ha ha but I have atured spirituay in the ast 14 years and have worked y butt off (good thing I have so uch ;) for oh 40 years ;) to sharpen y skis and taents to not et evi reign in y ife (or y kids ives) and God is good! God is ighty! For sure I ade bad choices a aong the way - earning, growing and getting to where I a now (and I wi ake istakes a y ife) just using what I have earned over the ast 30 years ore and I have ore carity now. I have prayed hard, served hard and caused a ot of pain. ots ore pain was given to e (and that is evi) but God prevais aways. God uses a for his gory and turns a bad into good (ook it up - its a over the bibe ;) Read it, reserach it it is agica ;) God works iraces!!!! And each one of us he wants to SHINE!!!! Fee worthy and shine! Not for any other reason but to fee good so u can hep others find the joy and peace u have in God. In Christ. Rejoice in your probes they get u coser to being the person God needs u and wants u to be (book of Jaes, New Testaent) And he showers us with bessings and joy and he wants us to dance and sing and not fear and worry about anything!!!!!! Anything that happens u can see God in it! You can see Gory coing fro it (soewhere soe tie ;) keep ooking!!!!!! Jen (and anyone ese who cares to ;)

I know Better Now ;) I ove earning ;)

gosh why is everything so hard! i hope steve doesnt get ad at e today for posting y etter to hi to the genera pubic (and worse - FB ha ha ha) but he is the one that taught e transparent in action so.... and we are bffs so no fear j

ok so y head hurts fro a this od and ches to ki the od. and that akes y ears and throat hurt (the bad air quaity of ate doesnt hep that either). I have a very sensative body (thank u God ;) and the wind stirs up poen and dirt, sand,etc. the poution fro 3 iion peope in y county!!!! The recent spi of the oi i just heard about (sorry - i do not watch tv or read - other than the bibe) i have enought horror in y ife i dont need negativity. God reveas to e what i need to know when i need to know it. But i trip peope out (aways ;) Oh weeks ater i a ike oh did soe oi spi soewhere...I thought it was fro another oi tanker - ship thing but reay it doesnt atter how ony that it happens. pura being y ain ephasis here. Happens. SSSSSSS a ot - too uch. Too uch crap. Yes, bikes woud be great. Ban cars ;) Ban fue. Ban gas and ets a grow our own food ;) ets go back to how the natives ived ;) But spread the word about JC ;) bc we know better ;)

I ove earning ;) I ove gaining wisdo to use for good ;) That is what y dad taught e ;) That is the Ying and the yang ha ha ha but true!

I ove you ord and give you a the credit and gory for a the good in the word. Thank you for aking satan so that i coud earn to use the bad for good. to ake e stronger in you and your Hoy Spirit ;) Thank u for y awesoe friends and faiy and teachers that they have been. thank you for a the hard and a the experiences that i have been threw in y ife.

thank you for aking e e. and thank u for aking a your kids who they are. I pray that a your huans earn to ove u first and then that they earn to ove theseves next and ceebrate their ives and not fear bad and to fight with ove to do ony good. And that we a earn the order of things and bow to u and take care of the weak and poor the needy the chidren and the anias and panet. that a bad peope turn into jesus overs and do ony your wi ;) I want to be a part of that!

Try To Figure This One Out ;) Whew! Nice God ;) Thanks!!! You are the ove of y ife ord!

i a great happy to be in a reationship with God for the first tie reay just e and God dating ;) back yesterday fro the hote sorry y coputer is broken so a few etters do not work ony two that i can see ;) i dont have oney so the divorce is in ikes hands he went thru we the peope so i a not sure of the status - he said he did it in nov so it was suppose to be june but i think he stopped it and started it 3 ties since then. His parents wont give hi oney if he divorces bc it was hi not e so wi see i wi fie when i get a steady job if it is not fina by then. i a just taking it one day at a tie. i have no oney no job and no where to go. So for now ike seeps on the sofa and his parents pay the bis. unti i find a job i guess just taking it step by step for today i a gratefu i a not arried to an abusive an any ore and i have food gas rent and earning to not take his abuse and not to date anyone ean or anyone that God does not want e to be with. I have very high standards now ;) I a so happy about that! for the first tie i a not affraid to date and i a not ooking to date. i want to be arried ore than anything but i never did it gods way ;) now i a. when god sends e the an he wants e to be with i wi do y part and i wi not even kiss (tounge ha ha) or anything ese unti i a arried. i wi not get drunk bc it is a sin i wi not soke bc it is a sin i wi drink water and be heathy and fit and strong and eat ony good whoe foods (with junk in odration ike the food pyraid shows - u need soe fat ;) and baance. but to vaue y body and y ife ;) i can not date a drinker - i a an akie i wi drink. i cant date a soker i a too weak. God akes e strong and reoved a the teptaions to have sex, drink and soke. y part is to stay away. i a working hard and i aways have. i have the best heart of anyone i know and i for the first tie know God wants e to be with a an better than e ;) not a ower copanion which i picked in the past (and AA says akies do) so, I know God wi send e a an funnier than e, ore creative and expressive than e ;) ore artistic , eats heathier, fit and oves God ike I do serves God first and wont have a probe but wants to not have any sexua content or create ust and teptation unti we are arried. A an I can ook up to. A an y kids can ook up to ;) A good exape a sprititua eader. Soeone happy and wants to be happy not angry and iature wanting to stay sick or stuck in od behavior soeone aways ooking to iprove and do Gods wi to the best of their abiity but akes that nuber one. soeone who knows that their purpose here on earth is to serve God cheerfuy not fear and to be oving and kind to a of Gods creations. To Go to God for hep and no other source before that. Soeone who entors and has a entor. Who oves usic and the beach as uch as I do. who oves anias and kids and wants to hep the needy where ever they are. I have aways had the copete and utter opposite on each and a of those accounts isted above so I a soooooo excited to know that God answers prayers and to be specific ;) ook at u u prayed for a gir who oves the ord, kids, anias fowers a of Gods creations, the beach,wants to wear a bathing suit and cap on the beach who ives cose by who is attractive to u bond surfer bue eyes tan fit happy sweet and u got her. (guess u eft soething out in your request I take it not sure yet why it did not work out) I aso want soeone not hung up on oney soeone that doesnt care about oney soeone who is not affraid of anything ;) soeone ready and wiing to go whereever God eads the :) sorry just adding to y wish ist ;) but God wants e not to be aone but first i had to ean on God cuz i thought it was a guy not God that i had to ean on. But now when i wish i had a hubby for this or that i say God instead ;) I did this a 12 yrs ago and it worked ;) 5 yrs of it ;) singe and not needing a an for the first tie since 12 or reay a y ife u know ean on dad scared when its just o at nite etc. but 12 yrs ago i was affraid. better aone ok aone had God faiy friends job but oney after 5 yrs and evan woud ask e every day why dont u have a dad
eaning a husband. i was a itte sad wishing i did. for hi and aybe a itte bit for e. i just didnt think i was worthy. now i KNOW :) I can not te u how aazing that fees. overweing reay. i dont think anyone knows but aybe a POW. that freedo and joy but so ike a caged tortured ania being reseaed after 40 yrs. u know. not scared just reay overweing so good i a sow for once but a good sow not a wounded sow a discearning sow ;) i was never that. rush thru u know u can wak on fire or gass if u go fast enough u cant fee it it cant hurt u. now i a doing everything the copete opposite no atter what. if it scares e i pray if i fee sad i ask God for hep i just ove it. hard hard hard word - ife but i have ore joy and ore bessings than ost peope i know and now i see the - i aways did - bessing i know right there but now i fee the ;) feeing I can fee now. God used u 6 yrs ago 5 yrs ago to teach e this a this. I woudnot trade ives with anyone ;) I ove y ife right now ike I just won the otto ;) The ast 3 years have just gotten better and better each day and I have been bown away how supernatura God is How BIG God is and I ean seeing it right in front of y eyes!!!! But u know peope dont know y story or they forget (satan binds the) I have ived with ean abusive enguys for 40 yrs. guys i oe and are great guys- the best!! BUt very very sick very wounded hurt and very ad at God and rebeious and angry and I and the kids have been in the way of that for 15 yrs and I 44. At 17 I knew I ade a choice to go with Steve - I knew he was the devi and he was. Satan used hi. He had no God and was abused and very nub, very cod, very hatefu. He urdered y dog cuz he was ad at e. That kinda sick. y type ;( ike y dad was. It was what I thought Satan wanted for e. I was brain washed. I heard satan wisper in y ear y whoe ife - bad things happen to u cuz u are bad. so any bad things happened to e i heard satan say that so any ties so any years i beieved it ;( NOW I DONT. Now I know ;) 30 yrs of study, 30 yrs of therapy ;) 44 yrs of church and 40 yrs of prayer. God and I have been training together for 44 yrs ;) and it has been one heck of a batte with the dark side. y story is unrea to e ;) but one day i hope others can benefit (ore) fro it. I know this did not happen for just e to be stoked ;) y kids and anias benefit and friends, faiy and strangers benefit fro a y hard work and pain...so that keeps e going (we, Gods pan - not ine ;) I woud have been dead so any ties over if it was up to e ;) I hate pain I hate hard work ha ha ike a huans right ;) But I charge threw bc I a a fighter (for good ;) aways have been. I guess bc I oved God fro day one ;) and bc of a the abuse as a kid I aways fought satan. fu evi ;) now i fight differenty not angry - that just binds e ;) just ovingy now ;) yes!!!!!! so ature though - I a just starting so ore ike a preschooer ha ha ha but at east i a there ;) oving the unovabe errr hardest thing but osty bc that is e ha ha i a earning to ove ysef ha ha ha as we as a the friends and faiy that get under y skin as they say - they are ike e and it akes e ad to see the do that but i do the sae thing ha ha ha oh the next 40 yrs are going to be the best!

so why?

not really? i was going to go to my other blog just general rants but im too lazy and in that i realized 1) my sons computer which my mom got him for his 15th bday last weekend is harder to type on - not use to the keyboard 2) why hide it?

I mean, i set up blogs to journal or accords of my life but why? why not be meZ? why hide it? if i put a z and do not fix it - who cares? but i see evryone is a critique. which i like constructive but i guess hateful is not what i like to see. i would never be as cruel as so many people i see in this world and i dislike that it affects me. that i fall prey if u will. i need a savior but i also need power.

strength and way more than i can deal

supernatural sought out called out power

the holy spirit is the trinity the part that jesus said my father is bringing to u as i leave so u will not be alone here on earth w/o the powers of my father. call on them call on him he will provide.

so as i learn i fight as i learn i see and i do it's just up to me to do to call on to obey to listen to work hard and stay in my god bubble , if u will

so put the quotes and capitalization and correct my typos and spelling and thru the mystery note u will see a puzzle to figure out and YOU are the key.

find ur self

ur true self

who r u

what do u want

the skie is the limit and the lord ur god is mighty

and he knows u r mad

he wants u to rejoice not be sad

dont let the nay sayers get u

dont let evil win

rise above and be an example

and u will see ur sin

work hard to go to the father with ur pain

he will be the one to guide u and u will always fail

no that u r a servant just know which side ur on

use all that god gives u and u will go on

mighty is the powers of our lord jesus christ i hail him in honor and always think twice

my first thought is evil i am trained to this world but rise above jenny and god will always prevail

This is it ;)

you just get what you get today ;) all me - no edits? hmmm>> maybe? will see? I can go from super picky to i just dont give a fuck what others think. Balance I guess is good ;) I do use the laid back part to kick it ;) i dont stress too much - i use God (to calm me down and chill;). Rejoice in your problems (book of James in the New Testament The Holy Bible) my kids love that that was written by God using James, Jesus' half bro ;)

So today is a scattered day. First day I have nothing to do in a long time. well i have a few things to do - which makes me want a vacation with no kids so i have really nothing to do but relax in the warm sun and while im dreaming say a few weeks in a resort that is quiet no kids no noise ha ha ha run away to a deserted island ;) but back to work after that. i would love to live on an island a warm one though where i could bath in the ocean every day - no shower needed.

I would love to travel with my kids to all the places i/they have never been. see the world and help others. my dream job i always say is being put in charge of all bill gates money and how to spend it ;) I would help the poor and needy. i would restructure the jails. i would get rid off as many toxins as i could. no more unnecessary waste. no unnecessary plastics - look for ways to use alternatives to all the things that kill our earth and all the living creations.

I would set up schools to be a place to teach health and wellness and selfworth.

I think i would make a law that parents go to jail not the kids. If a minor gets in trouble it is the parents responsibility.

Well time to go get some milk at the store - i would love to have a farm where i could grow all my own food. everyone really ;) Everyone has their own food sources and milk, eggs, bread, make all my own food. That would be cool. I could make my own ice cream with my own cow ;) My happy cow ;)

Need to eat and then i am going to go swim in the ocean, to get my work out and be close to God out there just me and the sun rays on my face ;)

Happy to have my babies with me ~ God help me not be sad that my son is leaving today but focus that it is summer and he will be back more often now!!! I wish I could just take all 4 of them with me to travel the world and teach them about what is really important.

God, helping people in need, helping all creation in need. Enjoyin the sun, water and the land that God gave us. Meeting people from all over the world and enjoying all that God has here for us.

I try my best to do this here in OC and in between all the other peoples stress around us ;( just a little harder here, is all.

God works thru peeps ;)

Sipy aazing ;) So sti no etters ha ha ha i just ove puzzes how about u i see u do and that is why you are here or no question ark - question ark.

i can wait fo r the best for e ;) God knows best and I a ready to wait, I a ready to do the hard work to have the best. Have what God wants for e (and a his kidz ;)

think big. think out of the box. i going to stop going for ower copanions and wait for y hero ;0 the one that is funnier than I - or at east the sae ha a ha i ean, akes e augh. ake each other sie & crack up ;) too.

Soe one I ook up to ust be sart. Hard working and ove ife. Happy, at peace at striving for ore aways. striving for better. Not sefish but giving and kind oving and caring. creative, uiscica and oves the outdoors and traveing. y want ad ;)

but god is the aster and he has a aster pan. i beieve in iraces ;) I a ready to ive y ife pure for God, that akes e fee the best about e. it fits it works. I a not to concerned about what others think - usuay just the op. (kinda fun that way ;) but I do care how I fee in front of y God today.

cryptic tonite

so y keyboard is haf working ;) thank u God for giving e back y usic ;) now i can pack a thru the nite (which i need to do and was so dog tired!! ;) get it - dog tired ha ha ha God has a sense of huor! ove it!! I ove it! I think you can see by now what etters work (and which do not ;) I a soooo happy ord! I have y aptop back!! We, aost but a I need I got back ;) y bogs and y usic!!! and fb so i can see a y fa and friends and inspirations ;)

Heal, Feal, And Be Real ;)

So I was really proud of myself for being really human today. I think you people call it being real.

I prayed for years to feel, and the last 2 years I have. More and more each day. Little by little allowing myself to feel. To be real. And heal. Feal means trusting in faith - I looked it up one day after I wrote that title ;)

So after a life time of asking why? I know. I always knew. I just really know now. You know like deep in your soul and in your heart down deep - way down deep in the pit of your being. Well, I have chores to do and kids to play with and tend to and I am super happy ;) I do get bummed at all the pain in the world. It hurts me know, pains my heart to hurt. I never felt that before. I was too numb from the pain.

I love tea though, hot tea, all kinds. It soothes me and refreshes me. Always has. My friends would tease me when I was 10 and 12 cuz I drank hot tea ha ha and I lived in Cali. not London ;)

But my parents were old school Europeans. Both first generation I think both their parents were born in the home land ;) My dad Czech and mi mom Italy. Both sides were very true to their traditions and I loved that. The Czech would say they want me to marry a good boy that comes from our land. And My Mom's side all the old Great Aunts would pinch my checks and squeeze me tight and say marry a good italian boy. I was like 10. Ha ha ha I was just a little kid but I modeled and worked as an actor since I was 4 so I was use to being around adults a lot. Interviewing constantly and working quite a bit. My kids see my Dittos posters at 10 and say That is so not cool to make a 10 year old look like a sex symbol. Ouch. Sex sells my darlings. I am glad that they think that is wrong. I do to. I think it is wrong that kids are used to work and thrown into an adult situation (funny when you can collect unemployment when you are 4) and going to cocktail parties to promote sales etc. Got me lot's of jobs as an adult - heck I was a pro at interviews ;) But it also was so much pressure and I was always so thankful my mom did not totally sell me out. She let me take off lots of times to go to a birthday party after school instead of work. Lot's of kids could not. They really worked way more than I did - they had weekly series. Lot's o them.

So I am excited today that I can feel. Even if it is sadness some times. Sadness for the pain in the ones I love. Sadness that the world has hurt so many of my friends. Sadness that a lot of my friends are dead - senselessly! And sad that so many pieces of my heart break for those I love the most.

But I am a follower of Christ. I know that God uses all the bad and turns it to Grand! I know this is true ;) I have lived this my whole life. I see miracles every day ;) I get to see God every day & feal him!

I pray today for those who are in pain who are sad and beat down. I pray for those knowing Gods truth that they be lifted and carried. And I pray for the lost to be found.

I know I have had a sad life. I know that I have always wanted to love & be loved by a husband.

I know that one day I will have that dream. And in the mean time I get to be excited that I am happy no matter what! That I am joyous & excited beyond words!!! That is the Holy Spirit~~~~

I have always been a single mom just wishing and hoping my life long dream of having a family would come true. I have never had a partner to parent my kids with. They have never known peace or stability from a man. But God I knell before you head bowed and say You are My King. You are my Hero. Thank You Lord for teaching my kids to put their trust in You and You only Lord Jesus. Thank you for providing some how always day by day just what we need ~ and then some ;) . Thank you for teaching my kids to give back all that they have to help some one less off than they. Thank you Lord that My Kids Know Their Purpose and Know That You are Lord.

Thank you for all our fun lovely beautiful blessings ~ you overflow our lives with blessings & joy to share with everyone of your creatures Daily ;)

more wishes to my list

So today I want to open up a clinic for MPD. Where people can come and learn about their illness. An illness with a cure but I guess like AIDS, it never is cured just keeps you from dying.

You see MPD is like AIDS. It is a deadly illness, that has a cure that can help you live a more normal life. MPD is caused by child abuse. It is my belief that all children are abused in one way or another and most many times in many ways. Most people do not want to admit to abuse and many become very upset or agitated when the idea is even brought up - that abuse is real. We like to focus on helping abused animals or rain forests because they are safer. We can help ourselves heal by helping aid another abusive victim.

I have met a lot of people in a lot of places and I have never met one that has not been abused in some way - heck one could argue that we are all abused by the environment with toxic air and toxic fish, mad cow, deadly bacteria in our produce & water, and on and on (oh I am a Vegetarian I could go on and on). I mainly get upset that you have to be wealthy to eat better. That if you can afford clean water or clean food then you can buy Organic or better drinking water. But then you still have chemicals spewing out all over the world & greedy people inventing things all over the place (mostly america - my land of the free) to get rich. Greed is one of the 7 deadly sins for a reason. If you give back, if you share, if you know that God says to give 10% of your income to minister & help others...then you prosper.

America kills. Hollywood kills. Greed & big business kill. So small groups, small business, and small people will have to be the independence we can seek. I always knew the generation behind me & all the generations behind them would be the change. The change I wanted to see. I was waiting for the day that all the old Rep. & Dem. would die off. And then there would be change. Just my generation holding the torch. GenX at the top of the hill ;) Ahhh yes, I love it. Really it is the Generation before me I call it the Hippie Generation ;) The F it Gen. the kick back we dont care what ya think gen. We rebel, but not so drugged up as the 60's but children from the flower child era ;) Peace & Love & no war. No greed, money sucks, give it to the poor. But the Republicans persist. I saw the diversion - the separation. Hippies dirty lazy druggies not American. They are Anti War so Anti American. My parents were Republican all the way. I grew up in Orange County, Money was our god. I grew up in Hollywood Status is everything. Looks, image & being poor was not an option. Failing was not an option. We had everything you needed to succeed. Thank God I became a Born Again Christian when I was 16. I knew God was real. I grew up Catholic and I knew Jesus. I was a believer, I was a Catholic. But I wanted more. I wanted to read the bible not just listen to someone else read it to me (Fathers in church), I knew something was up. Why? Why dont they want me reading that book? I wanted to learn more. When I grew up in Catholic church there was no youth groups & I was confused why we had a Pope & why Priests were different from Pastors in other churches. It confused me. So when I read and studied and learn that there is no Pope in the bible & there is no Immortal sin that keeps you from Heaven, I wanted to know more of what I was taught and how The Roman Empire just wanted to control their people. And then Protestants came up when The King wanted to break God's rule and divorce for no reason but lust. Man Made Religion I call it. I just like non denominational straight out of the Holy Bible - nothing added. And I became Born Again when God knew I was old enough to make a decision on my own to choose God. Make a commitment to myself that I was a believer, that I do want to serve for My Lord & Savior. I always knew and I always had but I guess I felt I was making that statement, because I was of an age that I knew I was ready. I was one on one with God in my Personal Relationship w/Christ. And from that day on I wanted to study, I was ready to fight my fight for the Lord. And what a fight it was. Still is, just older now, wiser and the fight is way less hard. I had to fight for my freedom to live. I was so enslaved to satan that I could never see a way out. Well, I saw a crack, a ray of light. But in my dark cold cell that was never enough. I had to fight to break out. I had to be weak and faint and still. I had to wait but work on my escape daily. I had been doing that my whole life but as a kid - you just do it to survive. As a teen you want out no matter how.

Being abused on any level takes a small innocent mind and makes it fragmented. You break off into another place in your mind to deal with the pain. To deal with the horror or just to deal at all.

So putting the pieces together is easy ;) You just need to know yourself. Ah, there within lies the problem. No one knows themselves. No one wants to ;) They drink, they hide, the run away. They fragment. Some times we fragment so well we disassociate and we all do it in our society to some degree. Some more than others. I think that is how we get so much done. How we can tolerate so much. And achieve so much or not ;)

We all can, we just do what makes us comfortable. But achieving anything can be hard in itself. Not just the actual hard to get part but the hard in getting part. Actors, Sports figures, Singers, etc. all acquire fame & fortune and bam! It hits you hard. What do you do? Spend, spend, spend! All the 7 deadly sins come out ;) Gluttony, Lust, Greed, Envy, Pride, Sloth & Anger. You want it, you buy it, you want it, you have it, it is what most kids grow up to want. But most American kids grow up abused.

Screwed up, confused, just wanting out! Thinking all wrong. Most, even with religion hate God.

Mad at God. Confused about God. And back to the denial. Most get very annoyed, uncomfortable and say not me!

Oh, I can see threw all of your BS, every kid was abused. Oh, you are the special one that got away? How? From the start of time man has been taking what he wants brutally killing, raping and bullying to get his way.

I myself know that the closer I stay to God's laws the happier I am, the more peace I have. But that has been a life long journey to find myself.

Who are you? What do you do? Where do you come from? And what have you seen?

What do you know?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I dont want to do just that. I want to travel the world helping others ;) I want to stay in my home town and help my church. I want to write books and books on self worth and knowing your value. I want to talk to as many humans as I can and say DO YOU KNOW YOUR PURPOSE?

DO YOU KNOW YOUR VALUE? DO YOU KNOW YOUR WORTH?

Tell me your story. Tell me who you are.

That is my wish

But it never stops there. I want for women to stop giving their bodies away like we have no other value but sex. I want for men to start value a women and date her for a year before they are engaged and wait to have and lustful contact until they are married. I would love for people to get to know themselves and no what they like and who they are - not who they have been brain washed to believe by society, parents, & satan.

I want people to embrace all that has happened to them. To know their pain and know the pain in the world. To see the good and know that God takes all the bad and uses it for good. I want all humans to know God and know of The Holy Spirit.

I want all humans to help one another and come to the aid of the wounded - including themselves. Learning to care for yourself & others. Learning who you are and why you are here.

To tell as many people my story and how I know God heals. To be yourself no matter what and to shine in that thru the Glory of God. To know the battle & know there are only two sides ~

which side are you on? Which side do you fight for?

Freedom from self. Freedom from our sexual hang ups as a nation. Freedom to trust. Trust God, trust ourselves & maybe another human or two ;) Learning to love ourselves & others ~ the way God intends us to so that we may have all the blessings & miracles he has for us!!!!

Learning to communicate w/ God, with ourselves & with others. Learning to be real, and feel & heal. All thru God's perfect timing & perfect plan. Trust in the Lord with all your heart & lean not on your own understanding. One of my fav. verses from the Bible. I love that God has given me all the hard to make me who I am and thank you Lord for all your teachings ~ you are Mighty & All Powerful! Help me help other in need daily. Time to go pick up my kids ;) They are in need of an escort home.

My Wish List.

I dont want fame and i dont want fortune i just want change.

I think i would be very uncomfortable (and annoyed quiet frankly) with fame. I am spoiled, I am use to my quiet times. I enjoy not being attacked or critiqued. I'm mean, I hate what I have to deal with already just being a regular human. You know, let alone a famous one. Not my style. Musch rather work behind the scenes ;)

But I would love to travel the world. A lot. I like being out side, I like being with people & I lve to laugh ;) So my dream would be to travel the world helping those that need it most.

so the answer is??

Well God silly ;) But we rebel. Yes, normal for abused people not to trust. But the very wounded are still here bc they are fighters! Fighter fight on. So we just need the right training. We crave that. Abused kids have no direction (except satans constant brain washing). Kids want to fight the good fight we just get let down. Beat down. So, we grow up hating. Secretly hating ourselves - but only the very brave (and most pained) will admit that (and live). So be real as they say. Be you. Be honest, stop bowing to the wrong god. We get what we give. And Hurt People Hurt. So that vicious cycle as they say. So the truth is the answer. Now most people think Xians are hypocrites (and most are). Who cares, why let that stop you from Your Personal Relationship with the Lord. And God says dont judge - discern. AND have compassion. AND help other AT ALL TIMES NO MATTER WHAT. Well right there is where the hypocrisy comes in.

When I was a kid, young, not sure what age but I heard (from God) that Satan will use religion more than anything against people. Will use God against God. Yes! That is it! Father of lies. Deceptive master at it. We are mindless really most of the time (what experts say we only use 3 % of our brain ;) So we need to be taught. We just teach the wrong things here.

Most dont have a clue of what they believe in??? And then there are the staunch. All talk, no action. Look at me... judged my whole life in school grade K-12 (unfortunate for me I didnt homeschool ;) Still now. I still deal with having compassion for the sick (even when they think they are the pious ;)

God so rewards your hard, efforts, your forging thru but he wants you to rejoice in your problems so u are singing and dancing even if you are in a bad situation (oh say like your car is 3 months past due and you are in tons of pain and need a surgery you cant afford, and you want your kids back but you dont have enough money to raise them ;)

No wonder people think I am a lunatic ;) I am ;) But crazy in love with God ~ it is supernatural ;)

People love evil spirits and have no problem believing in that! Weird to me that people think The Holy Spirit is not real. Call it out it says ;) & you will feel the Mighty Powers of God work in your life. Be wild & crazy dance like King David but make sure you are stick to God like glue ;)

So some say I am confusing, i make up my own stuff - no look it up and its says it all in there ;) I study hard. Now I want more ;) God is good like that. When you are so abused and deprived of good any little crumbs are like a feast. Now 10 -20 yrs later I want more - i see that now ;) but not for me. not worldly things i want myself to be the person God wants me to be - but that took 10 yrs to be ready. 13 really.

I am learning to rejoice in the waiting time ;)

I got it btw - found it! ;) geez

Yesterday I lost all my notes - I need to learn to save. No title today. This summer is coming and I realize how sexually dysfunctional we are as a country. I guess bc rape is part of how our country was founded.

I am a Follower of Christ but others can get confused how self expressive I am. God gave us each our own fingerprints so we each have our own journey. Our own relationship unique to just u y God. So rejoice in that, smile, dance, sing & celebrate. (I also was going to say & turn up the sound - but I meant you know dont be afraid to be you - or what the neighbors think of your muisc ;) (but that is not what I mean). I mean, be you but respect others. Respect yourself ----- most have no idea. We do just the op. we eat junk, smoke cig's, drink alcohol, do not hydrate our bodies in fact we take away water each time we drink coffee (or tea (is twice as bad)). We never move muscles & are weak instead of tone and strong. We think thin is sexy not healthy and that is sick. That's why we are all over weight or dying of an eating disorder. Mostly it's the pills that kill us. all the pills.

God says be strong, be fit, be healthy. Take care of your body. Work hard. Be Spiritual~y fit - nay, be as expert as you can. But know your place servant, you are not in charge. Bow down, be teachable (humble) listen & learn ;)

No. We go to every other self help book, guru, "god" & all the while Satan loves it! Good & Evil that's it. God made Satan it is the Yin & the Yang. You need both but there IS a creator. A creator - not a group effort ;) ONE GOD ONE LOVE ;) So, He says it all in the very book Satan keeps us from. God says do not judge. You are not ME. Only I can judge. You discern ;) And be smart, slow, consult me for answers, wisdom, direction. And strength to fight off your enemy that wants the polar op. for you. Read the book. study it - geez it cant kill ya - but it will save your life ;)

So back to how America is so sexually sick. God says modest, don't lust, dont go around like a dog having relations whenever you please. Just cuz you can, doesnt mean you should. But, rather, study me, be disipline like a ninja warrior (my teen idol as a tween was Caine ;)

Also, dont judge, have compassion rather. As a matter of fact the Samaritan (Hebrew: שומרונים‎ Shomronim, Arabic: السامريون‎ as-Sāmariyyūn ;) story in the Holy Bible says God wants us to help anyone anywhere no matter what. Trust in God, no fear and have compassion. Help the sick, the poor, women & children. Ok, so back to sex.

If I want to wear a bikini at the beach I should not feel bad. Men should not lust. Women should not provoke lust, however, I am at the beach. If we lived on an island in a jungle we would clothe ourselves appropriately.

See how Satan turns us sick. It is only lustful to "see me in a bikini" bc our sick culture takes everything as sexual. Even nursing a baby for crying out loud! Really, on many levels. Doing or watching I have heard people take a God given natural thing for us TO DO & turn it sick. We are a sick nation.

I recently watched that long docudrama on some cable station (you have to pay to watch). All on america - the story of us. Sponsored by Bank of America (sorry had to laugh - I was in Mortgage Banking the last 20 years).

Rape all across the nation from day one to present. Well, from day one in the history book that get's the #1 Best Seller award every year from day one. The Bible that is ;) It says it all to, from day one. death, rape, murder, sin. Drunk, war, infidelity. It is human nature. That is why we need and crave structure. Guidance. But we rebel because we have been so abused by evil.

Welcome To Your World [Stop-Action Video]

Welcome To Your World [Stop-Action Video]

2a

my sinus hurt. i need more water & more energy so i can work out. Head ache & aches all in my neck & back ;( my ears hurt too & dizzy from being stuffed up - it was cool today - not cold but not warm (for me anyway ;) i would do best in hot tropical temps. u know where i could swim in the ocean every day instead of showering ;)

yuck i hate pain. ironic - i was a cutter in 1989-92 but that was my process. i guess it is still my process. just now i feel. dang :) j/k i prayed my whole life for that. well i prayed why? my whole life & just specifically "to Feel" since 2005 - i got that more & more & more in 2007 ;) my life changed dramatically. I guess it has every 10 yrs? hmmm but life changing. From wanting death to wanting life. Bigger and better every time. But I have been crying out to god my whole life.

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oh kinda bummed still have 2 bedrooms to clean - dang got the kitchen and l rm to sparkle but hmm bath room still half way ha ha too beat time to rest hard to clean when u r so sick and taking care of kids in between whew tired but had a lot of fun making food for the kids and playing with mia - girls helped me clean a little too - that was cool

time to eat - yum bbq vegan ribs yum -

yah- mikes cooking for the kids tonite - i can take a break much needed. he feels bad bc he left all day to go surf and left me to clean and take care of the kids. i was stoked to have the peace and quiet - no call of duty all day gun fire in my ears and kids yelling for the tv. plus i only date guys looking for a fight. ha ha really both husbands would fight at the drop of a hat - no matter if u were an old lady - no joke. thank u god for helping me see and giving me the strength

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love ya lord jesus

God is so freaky, so cool, awesome thrilling supernatural!! I just love that!

thank u god for using music and using every little thing ;)

~~~ I Love My Life!! Thank You God For My Wild & Wacky Life ;) You always make it a Trip!!

2

2day is a new day - hmmm sos? yes, pretty much ;) God saves. I am happy bout that ;) whew do i need it ;) the pain I am not use to. It kinda gets to me - a lot.

So tired, ready to break - too much cleaning ;) but feels good to get it done - and hang out with my 3 girls. Don't get to see Amanda any more cept maybe 4 days a month ;( that sucks bad.

Well since I know no one reads this ha ha ha well, the guys I am speaking of wont...It is so funny to me to 'do my own thing' ;) feels good finally! u see i always let guys control my life. I am so independent but i pick scary guys that bully me into doing it all their way. so i am glad that God is teaching me to stay away from guys and focus on him. No boy friend no husband. just me y god ;) yes - yeah! I am free ;) for today - so i am learning to do the right thing. i never did. i always let god direct all areas of my life - except my love life - or loveless life i should say ;)

later that day....

I hate that I always put myself around mean guys - i guess they say you marry your dad (girls that is ;) and i did - twice ;) now i am so glad i am not dating anyone - i only pick mean guys ;(

But i am learning. my therapist said my picker is broken. well, she is a therapist - not "mine" - just saw her once at a church retreat ;) it was grand!

i like being alone but when my ex comes around - both of them - heck all of them ha ha ha - there goes my peaceful day. peaceful moment. what have you.

they are all so angry - ha ha kinda u attract what u are. see i have not been that angry in a while i want peace. every one says im so mellow, so chill, so patient. i am. i just react to men that are angry around me negative bitter critical 24/7 sorry no commas today.

no really - drama queens they r - 24/7 - need attention like my pops only know how to go about getting that in a neg. fashion - dad. and they are hurt and have been very wounded and very angry - for good reason. as i.

but sheeeze after 30 yrs of therapy ha ha i have worked hard 3 times a week for 10 yrs and 14 shrinks to get to the one i had that 10 yrs. that is determination. 14 not for me shrinks - some not for anyone! the sickest people go into medicine - DR's. nurses, therapists to hide. I have met many sick ones. i have read or heard on documentaries about very abusive dr's, nurses, dentists, and therapists. mostly i think therapist want to help they just dont know how. thats bc drs wrote the dsm and they are arrogant and did not want the ama involved in mental health - lame!!!!!!

ok tired, sore i wish i had money for a massage. i hurt :(

but stoked tomorrow is church in the am with my 3 girls!!! Making a cake for my son - his bday is Wed. I am going to bring him the cake when i drop off amanda tomorrow nite ;( i am so sad bc he says u dont even have a house big enough for us to come back :( but i remind him that when he was 5 amanda was 3 and we lived in a 1 bed room. it was the best time of my life ;) no mean, yelling, scary violent drunk bumming our trip ;) That we could all 5 be in a 2 bed room. Me and the girls in one room & he in his ;)

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I think it is good i can finally feel. the pain will go away i just get to feel compassion today

1a

my lungs burn, my chest & back feel like they are on fire. So does my stomach now that i think of it. u know, u may have to decode my writing ;) so i feel dizzy & tired all the time bust mostly bc i cant breathe. allergies :( summer will be better. I do best in the heat, no wind, no cold, dry not moist air. no smog!!! brown air just sucks! the bad part of OC (but the weather is good & the beaches are great - for the main land anyway ;) allergies & my stomach hurts from my gall bladder tat needs to come out ;( i have no money or insurance so i am suffering thru the pain and hoping to get the lazer surgery so i dont have to lose my organ ;( but that takes money - medicare doesnt pay for that. if you have money you can buy clean water, clean food, and better medical care for yourself. I have nothing. Monetary that is ;) I have no job, no support but I get to live with my kids in their room at their dads ;) & he is helping me by letting me use his internet here at home. I guess that is my support ;) I am in temporary & close quarters (6 people a dog and a cousin from time to time ;) in a 2 bedroom apartment ~ yikes) I have learned to give up a lot and I prayed 15 yrs ago for this (funny i lived right down the st. ;) I just wanted to be like qui chang caine and travel the world in a robe and sandals ;) doing God's work each day helping someone, learning something, teaching something - free of all that societies put on us ;) nice huh. I am pretty much there ;) I am proud to say my daughter got to go to the mall with my mom the other day for her 9th birthday. My kids have been to DLand more than "The Mall". They have only been to a Mall a handful of times in their lives (and they are 15, 13, 9 & 7).

I get to drive a car when I need it but have not been able to pay for it all year. Food & rent have come from God the last 3 yrs and the last yr i have been a single mom. I gave up all my "space" my privacy but i am learning to not let satan rob me of my joy ;) priceless!

I think I will post some old writing - just since i have not reread it in a few yrs ;)

JennX Jennifer Lesko Gender: Female Status: In a Relationship W/God Sign: Aquarius City: Born & Raised in La La Land & OC ;) State: California Country: US My Subscriptions Dominick Paranoids Meat Puppets PAT TODD & THE RANKOUTSIDERS moby The Offspring The Muffs KCRW Justice For Kurt DEVO Don Sarah Silverman The Fleshtones Revolution NYC The Sonics The Jack Brewer Reunion Band Vaccine

I really think JFK. Jr. was one of my "modern day hero's"

OITALLTOCHRIST1

Super tired. Drained, need to sleep & drink more water. It is hard to drink water bc my stomach hurts (& H2O induces vomiting ~ yuck) so I am sure I am very lacking (which gives me a head ache ~ sniff, sniff ;)

So I decided to start a daily blog. Not too thrilled bout it - I like to speak freely and I feel I am just not for every one ;) And I do not like mean people so I do not want to be criticized. So most of my blogs/writing I do not share - well I am selective. So let's see how this goes ;) I figure since I may kick it soon ha ha i best just "leap & the net will appear" (btw thanks God ;)

Some times people say my writing is, well, hard to follow ;) yes, I write for the psycho's of the world ;) (sorry Mom, I know that comment may upset you ;) see I already am feeling bad about speaking my truth. I think I speak the truth in love not in vengeance ~ but I am learning to be 'softer' in my words ;)

Ok, so I am not that techie - i'm a 80's baby (not literally a baby in the 80's - thank God ;) but baby to me - i was a teen in the 80's - came of age - in the 80's) I am more 'cassette tape' than cd ;)

Red? see, not so techie ~ but also not so hung up on what botthers others (like grammar ;) I think I just like to see people squirm ;) (I know i'm bad ;) Thank God I am trying to improve daily.

ok, red is starting to bug so hmmm??? what now? Break time ;) back to work - or play ;)